The Journey of Foster to Adopt  

By Tammy Miller, North Dakota H&V

Our story began in March of 2009 when we were asked to foster twin 9-month-old boys. The boys had many things that they needed help with and the parents needed guidance. There were many doctor appointments and family visits working for reunification. Through fostering we learned a lot about medical issues and how to be advocates for these young boys that didn’t have a voice for themselves. During the early months there were things that would come up that we questioned and one of those was the hearing of one of the boys. After a month with us one of the twins would scream a lot and be very loud, and not because he was mad. We suspected it was because he could not hear himself. He continued to have multiple ear infections and we thought maybe this was part of the reason he couldn’t hear as well. Tubes were placed at 14 months and at that time there was an ABR administered. This confirmed that he had moderate to severe hearing loss. He was then fitted for hearing aids and received them at 15 months. He had multiple diagnosis and we didn’t know if it was Pendred’s Syndrome, Neuropathy, or sensorineural bilateral hearing loss. We knew going with the hearing aids was the best course of action. Even though there were concerns on how we would keep track of the hearing aids or if he would take them out, those concerns were soon put to rest. He clearly liked that the aids helped him hear and he left them alone.

A few months later we were sent to University of Minnesota for more hearing tests and a CT of the temporal bone. At this appointment we were told he has enlarged vestibular aqueducts (LVAS) and that he would most likely lose his hearing by the time he was three. With no concrete diagnosis given to us, we have decided to treat him with sensorineural bilateral hearing loss and auditory neuropathy. This kicked us into high gear for learning sign language (basics anyway). We took many classes and worked on learning as much as we could. We were told that any hit to the head could cause hearing loss so now was the question of how to keep a toddler safe and not let this happen. We learned we just needed to relax and know that we were doing everything we knew how and still let him be a kid. Along with working with the family on decisions and guidance for the best possible outcome, this was a huge learning curve. He was not ours to make the decisions for and we had to do what the parents wanted and could only make suggestions. Through all of the medical decisions, the parents learned to trust that we had the best interest of the boys as our biggest concern. They came to us for input. Careful not to overstep, we kept a journal with what we were seeing and how we handled things. This came to be very helpful and the parents knew that they were not able to care for the boys and their multiple concerns. They came to us and asked us to consider adoption because they knew they were not able to do what Social Services were needing them to do to be the best caregivers for their boys. We did adopt the twins in November of 2011.

After almost three years of trying for reunification and many visits, we were informed that the twins would be going up for adoption. This brought on many more questions about where we lived and how our lives would look, not knowing if we would be able to find a school that would be able to work with a deaf child or needing to send him away for schooling. There were many mixed emotions and prayers that went into this decision. The doctors said that as long as there is love in the home, things will work out and you will find the best solution for your family. The schools were willing to help as they could and we would take things as they came.

Seven years later, our now adopted son still has his hearing, though he had had some fluctuations but nothing too concerning at this point. He has a hard of hearing teacher that helps him in school and he uses an amplification system with his hearing aids. He is now wanting to learn sign language, so we are relearning the basics along with him so that if he would lose his hearing we are prepared to communicate, hopefully lessening stress for all of us. He is growing and wants to be in sports. It is hard to tell him “no, because you could lose your hearing.” He doesn’t get this and thinks that he will just learn sign language and it will be fine, and that way he can play sports. We tell him that he may never hear our voices again, a dog bark or talk on the phone. This just doesn’t register with him and now we need to be the advocates again and the parents that say we need to find a different direction for you or sports that are not as dangerous. He is involved in music and Scouts, and has played some sports that are not as aggressive yet. He is a fun-loving kid that has a zest for life and has not once let his hearing loss hold him up.

Along this journey we were fortunate to have Linda Ehlers from the North Dakota School for the Deaf alongside us for the first three years. Her support and guidance were so appreciated, and our son loved having her come and work with him and his twin. There were many supports with PATH and South East Human Service Center. We were able to get to know a lot of people and were lucky to have the supports we did. I am glad that North Dakota Hands & Voices has come along for those that need the guidance and are able to incorporate the Guide By Your Side program. I wish we would have had that person to talk to and get advice from; just to have someone that understands would have been great to lessen the stress and buffer some of the unknowns.

As our story continues, we will be the advocates and parents our son needs. We will be there to help guide him in school and help the community to understand his hearing needs. We help to make sure the teachers and students are trained and help them to try to understand how he hears differently. I have helped our son read a story to the kids in sign language, we have done exercises with his Scout Den to see what it is like to have hearing loss in hopes that this will help them be more patient and understanding of him and others with hearing loss or deafness.

We have learned a lot through our son and continue to learn and lean on others every day. He and his twin are a blessing to us, and we are in this journey as a family.  ~

H&V Communicator – Spring 2020